A lot has happened in the last 12 months. This time last year I was working as a full-time teaching assistant. I am now (barely) a Fresher at Falmouth University with more books I will never read than I ever thought was possible. I can still barely cook, but am proud to admit that I haven't given myself food-poisoning yet. My hair is blonde, still, but in the meantime has been orange, red, pink and purple. Most of what I have learnt is in no way academic, but it's still been the most valuable time of my life.
1) To quote a Bowling for Soup song... "High School Never Ends"
I was surprised how much like my high school this Campus environment is. (NB I am sure this isn't the case as just my Campus, but that;s all I have to draw on right about now...) It is still all about who you are friends with, what you wear, who is sleeping with who, and who told you who is talking about who. I have forcibly resigned myself to the fact that this will never change. People gossip, and spend too much of their time with their noses in other people's business in a vain attempt to distract themselves from what is, or more likely isn't, going on in theirs. All I can do is try to keep my head above the mud and not get involved. Friends come and go, and my friendship group is drastically different to what it was during my first term. That's life.That's change. That's good.
2) Sex is just sex. (...or so we tell ourselves, hoping)
I have been more than my fair share of promiscuous this year at University. I was on the verge of falling in love one, and on the verge of falling into... something.. another time. The rest of my 'bump in the night' encounters have been little more than that. A bump. An encounter. A life experience. I know that people judge me for this. If not for the mere promiscuity itself, than for my choice of partner. Essentially, all I can think of saying to them is, "Fuck You." Again people are far too interested in other's lives than their own. Unless the person I am sleeping with is your partner, why does it affect you? Some of what I have done this year was probably a bad move. I am no less valuable as a person, especially a perspective girlfriend, just because I enjoy sex. One guy actually told me if he had known of my past, he probably wouldn't have dated me.Here is a page from a fantastic book I have just got my hands on "Fuck, I'm in my Twenties" by Emma Koeing.
3) My family, and my home, are not as bad as I believed they were.
I have missed home a lot more than I was expecting to while at University. I have rang my mum practically every day. At least once. Before I left I expected to barely call her once a month. I value my family more than anything. I had a particularly rough time returning after Christmas and spiraled into a dark place that involved very little else than drinking and sleeping; food seemed obsolete. Knowing my mum was just at the other end of the phone made a world of difference to me. Exeter is not as bad as I thought it was, and I actually look forward to going home now. I even look forward to seeing my incredibly 'teenage' 13 year-old sister. Despite the fact that all we do is want to punch each other. My grandparents are fabulous too. Essentially, I caved to the stereotype. I love home now. A lot.
I am in no way the same person I was when I moved into this very room in September. I am more likely to cut you out if I am not interested. I can realise when I am, and when I am not, emotionally ready to let someone in, and when that person is not the right person for me. Maybe, I am a grown-up after all. Then again, today I bought half a bottle of wine back from home in an empty water bottle...
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